Parshat Chayei Sara: Know Thy Peers
November 14, 2025
Genesis 24:47
וָאֶשְׁאַ֣ל אֹתָ֗הּ וָאֹמַר֮ בַּת־מִ֣י אַתְּ֒ וַתֹּ֗אמֶר בַּת־בְּתוּאֵל֙ בֶּן־נָח֔וֹר אֲשֶׁ֥ר יָֽלְדָה־לּ֖וֹ מִלְכָּ֑ה וָאָשִׂ֤ם הַנֶּ֙זֶם֙ עַל־אַפָּ֔הּ וְהַצְּמִידִ֖ים עַל־יָדֶֽיהָ׃
I inquired of her, ‘Whose daughter are you?’ And she said, ‘The daughter of Bethuel, son of Nahor, whom Milcah bore to him.’ And I put the ring on her nose and the bands on her arms.
To find a wife for his son Isaac, Abraham sends his servant Eliezer back to his hometown outside the land of Canaan. At a well, Eliezer identifies a young woman who meets all the signs he has prayed for. He runs to her, offers her jewelry and gifts, and only then asks about her family. When he learns that this woman, Rebecca, is kin to Isaac and therefore a fitting match, he bows low, thanks God, and asks to meet her father.
Rebecca’s father, Laban, is not nearly as gracious as she is. When Eliezer encounters him, he immediately recognizes Laban’s greed and self-interest. Still, Eliezer is not deterred from his mission. In fact, he cleverly plays to Laban’s ego to ensure success. Although Eliezer had first given Rebecca the jewelry and only afterward inquired about her parentage – signaling that she was uniquely worthy even before he knew her lineage – he presents the story differently to Laban. He tells him that he first asked about her family and only then offered the gifts, implying that her being Laban’s daughter was central. This framing appeals to Laban’s pride, and he ultimately agrees to send Rebecca with him.
Our Rabbis teach in Pirkei Avot to “Know before whom you stand.” In other words, be mindful always of God’s presence. But this wisdom applies to our interactions with people, too. A thoughtful person understands those they deal with and knows how to work with them to achieve a worthy goal. Socrates emphasized knowing oneself; but when we face tasks larger than ourselves, knowing others is just as important.